Bureaucracy

Bureaucracy is just one of those words with a bad connotation. And for good reason. Here’s two cases why:

CASE 1

After several trips to the Ministry of Internal Affairs to ascertain what items exactly would be needed to apply for work permits for myself and Angelica here in Uganda, I find myself in the Immigration Office queue holding two stacks of relevant papers. Here’s what I had laboriously compiled together for this application:

- Application form
- 2 passport size photos (we both look like thugs)
- Copy of passport
- Copy of company registration in Uganda
- Criminal activity report (This one was a pain in the ass. We had to get a notarized letter from the US Embassy stating that we were not criminals. Correction – the notary made me swear over my own letter where I stated I was not a criminal. The US Embassy simply states they watched me swear over this letter and cannot attest as to whether my assertions are the truth. They charged me $30 for that shit. How the immigration office accepts this I have no idea…)
- Covering letter
- Appointment letter
- Qualifications (CV)
- Letter of full and free disposition

It was a typical day where the combination of bureaucracy, hot sun and negligence just made me hate working in a developing country.

Step 1: Get to the window after a long queue. Lady tells me “you need file folders”. Me: “ok, where do I get those?” Lady “that window just there where the two men are talking”. Right then, off I go.

Step 2: Go to the window where the two men are talking. Two men stare at me like I’m insane and inform me the relevant lady with the file folders has left for lunch and probably won’t return for the rest of the day. This is at 2pm in the afternoon mind you.

Step 3: Return to first window. Me: “The lady’s gone home for the day”. Lady tells me “try that window across the square”.

Step 4: Walk across the square. Different lady at computer laughs at me when I ask for file folders. Failure number 2.

Step 5: Return to first window. Me: “They don’t have file folders over there”. Lady tells me “go up those steps right there and ask”. Oooook then, attempt number 3.

Step 6: Go up steps and find myself in a kitchen. Let me repeat that – I’m in the Ministry of Internal Affairs, trying to find file folders in…a kitchen. There are dirty pots and pans by a sink and a lady boiling water for chai. Now feeling incredibly ridiculous, I ask her for file folders. “Bitano” she replies (500 shillings) and hands me two. Why thank you lady making chai in a dirty kitchen in a back room in the Ministry of Internal Affairs, what a useful lady you are.

Step 7: Return to first window with my file folders. Yay. Lady informs me I have the wrong application. I should have all the items for a company under application G2 instead of the items for an NGO under application G1. The problem is that for some god forsaken reason, my boss registered Educate! as a foreign company operating in Uganda instead of an NGO. We’re an NGO in the US, but in Uganda, we’re a “company”. I insist to her that we’re an NGO, and she goes “Go to NGO office through that gate and ask for Okello”

Step 8: Go through gate, ask for Okello. “Which Okello? We have many”. “I don’t know which Okello, she only gave me one name”. “Try that office over there”. Stalk over to the office…

Step 9: Knock on office door. No answer. Brazenly open door and find man seated at computer. Tells me Mr. Okello will be out of a meeting soon and asks to see my two applications. He asks me to photocopy them and return another day. Typical procrastination move. I start blabbering about being an NGO in the US and he tells me I should see Mr. Okello. He’ll be out in an hour. No I can’t wait in the office. Try the secretary’s office.

Step 10: Find the secretary’s office. She won’t let me in. She insists I don’t need to see Okello, I must see her. She’s the important one, obviously. She writes on my file folders Educate! is not an NGO in Uganda, I have the wrong application, and sends me back to the immigration window. Classic.

Step 11: Original lady has disappeared. New man confirms to me that they cannot accept my application as E! is registered as a company.

Here’s what I will now need instead:

- EP form (?)
- 2 passport photos
- photocopy of passport
- academic qualifications
- letter of good conduct (??)
- appointment letter
- covering letter
- proof of failure to employ a Ugandan (uh oh)
- investment letter (???)
- income tax clearance (????)
- articles & memorandum (?????)
- trading license (wtf????????)
- security bond (WTF???????)
- company's bank statement
- certificate of incorporation (WWWWWWWWWWTF????????)

So conclusion: complete failure.

CASE 2

I’m trying to register my car. I need to go to the Ugandan Revenue Authority Office. There are many URA offices, and it takes me 3 trips to find the right one.

Step 1, Day 1: Wait in long queue for the car dude. He gives me 2 forms and tells me I need to go home and bring my passport.

Step 2, Day 2: Wait in long queue for the car dude. He tells me I didn’t need to bring my passport. Wasted day for nothing. Then he asks me for a job with Educate! Then he looks at my forms and tells me I need to staple them. “Ok, do you have a staple?” “No you must get it at that window over there”

Step 3, Day 2: Wait in long ass queue for the stapler.

Step 4, Day 2: Go back to long queue for the car dude. He takes my stapled forms and sends me to another counter to pay.

Step 5, Day 2: Wait in long queue for the payment lady. She charges me an extra 10,000. She tells me to go to the bank to pay for some form.

Step 6, Day 2: Exit URA and find the bank. Pay 2,000 for some form.

Step 7, Day 2: Return to long ass queue for the car dude with invoice from payment lady and slip from bank. Dude looks at me and says I NEED TO STAPLE MY FORMS.

Step 8, Day 2: Return to long ass queue for the stapler.

Step 9, Day 2: Return with stapled forms (again) to car dude. “Please return in 3 days”

Step 10, Day 5: Hurrah he has my registration form stamped and ready!

Day 8: Dude calls me on my mobile while I’m eating dinner to ask for a job again.

So conclusion: carry a stapler in your bag?