Reflection

i dont really look in the mirror much. every once in a while, i come across a large, well lit mirror and inspect myself. i've been having a hard time recognizing my own shadow recently. it's the first time since i was little that my hair has been so short that i can't tie it in a ponytail. i've inherited papa's curls & colour and mama's volume. the result is a bit of a mess, frankly. i wake up every morning and it's a brand new spanking adventure - which way is it going to stick up today? over christmas in the mountains i consistently had a hat on. the hair looks cute with a hat. here, it's too hot and it runs wild, especially after 3 days in a refugee settlement. bit tufts stick out in rebellious angles. my head-shadow (if that's a word) is nearly twice the size of normal. it's not really manageable and right now, in my current state, it's rather liberating. i'm alone - the mentors and angelica have returned to kampala so i'm here in hoima (western uganda) for another day meeting with schools.
so i come across my well lit reflection today and i inspect myself. grime stuck under my fingernails. smelly socks inside out already stained beige even though i just bought them this christmas. my trousers are a big mess - a combination of blood stains, sugar cane juice patches and a permanent coating of dust have changed them from light green to a more jungly concoction. my white shirt has patched of beige dust where my rucksack sits on my shoulders and a big stain in the middle. just classy. even classier - blue bra showing faintly through the shirt since i forgot to pack my white one. my hands are covered in burst blisters and blood from digging in the fields with COBURWAS members and i wonder how much dust is lodged in my hair.
the only thing clean on me is my face, which i've just washed. why hello there. so this is what i look like. no traces of makeup, no mini clumps of eyeliner stuck in between eyelashes. eyebrows definitely need to be plucked. little freckles on my nose, forehead uncharacteristically hidden behind a massive combination of frizz and chunks of hair. when i smile at myself i get little wrinkles around my eyes. am i getting old? was it mama or miki who said 'round up 25 and you get 30'? im 26 in 34 days. crazy.
on days like today, you see better, you hear better, you read better. i have no laptop with me - after 3 hours in the internet cafe i'm done with the 30 or so work emails and have scanned the nytimes. one hoima friend and he's traveling. benson (educate! student) is busy with a fellowship application i'm helping him with. i have my little hotel room complete with mosquito net and no loo seat, finally charging my mobile after 3 days with no electricity and i'm 10 pages to the end of finishing my book (emergency sex, highly recommended if you haven't read it). it's a bit of an empty day really. but it's only on days like this that i really see my own reflection in the mirror. i rather like that. i have to be living a good life if it takes a sunday with no laptop and no people for me to check myself out properly.